Mind Games

On the first day of the AOL part 1 course, we are asked- What do I want in my life? When there is a feeling of sadness and I am asked what do I want in life, the answer is- I want all this to cease. May the mind stop thinking. May there be no experience of presence of anything. So then there will be no experience of any cravings and pain. It seems that life can be so much in bliss and happiness when it ceases.

But at some other time, when things in the outer world are pleasant and my inner world is contented and I am asked the same question, I feel that life need not cease..may be I want to live more and enjoy a bit more of the daily chores. So is it that I am chasing pleasantness? So is my mind settled and willing to be dispassionate?